What- no, I DON'T want any of your god damn freaky-freaky!

2:42 AM, GMT+1

Travel tip #467: Don't EVER walk from Pta. Genova to Famagosta by yourself.

So I had to walk home tonight. Which was cool and all... Pta. Genova was only one stop away from Famagosta.

Except I made three huge mistakes: Pta. Genova is two stops away, not one, the stops are a lot farther than they seem, and there are plenty of whore-infested main streets in Milan.

So I walked around 22 cm... on my map, that is. According to the map, 1 cm is about 200 meters. So I walked 4400 meters. That's 4.4 kilometers. So let me introduce you to a new term I discovered. It's called RFF, which stands for Really F*cking Far.

Milan can be pretty scary for someone unfamiliar with the city at night. It didn't help that I made the mistake of asking a prostitute for directions about half-a-second before I realized she was a prostitute.

"Ciao!" She smiled cheerily at me and hiked up her white miniskirt. "Ciao," I replied. She rattled off something in Italian, and I told her I didn't understand because I was American.

"Ah, speak english.... uh... freaky-freaky!" I quickly gave her a negative. "No no no. I just want to know how to get to Famagosta."

"Eh... 50 Euro and I go with you wherever you like!"... This is why I think english should be the global language.

"Er... no. Dov'e Famagosta," I asked, backing away slowly. "Famagosta?" She just smiled and shrugged.

Now let's rethink this whole loving Italy thing...